Takashi's First Kiss
by Black-Haired Girl
Summary: Nyanko plays a cruel trick on Takashi. Crack. Humor.


Title: Takashi's First Kiss

Series: Natsume Yuujinchou (Natsume's Book of Friends)

Characters: Natsume Takashi and Madara (Nyanko-sensei)

Rating: ?

Author: BHG

Status: Progressive, No Beta

Takashi gets his his first kiss.

"What was that you said, Natsume?" Madara purred loudly as he made himself comfortable on the young man's chest. He yawned widely in his face and the distinct foul odor of Kirin Beer drifting from his kitty mouth made Takashi cringe.

"I said get off of me! You are so heavy I can't breathe..." Takashi gasped, trying his best to shove at the round ball of cat nestled on his torso.

"But you're so warm. Stop shoving! Hey, why do you hate me so much Natsume-kun?" The cat slurred. He clawed at the boy's offending hand and dug his back claws into his shirt in attempt to anchor himself in place. Takashi cried out in pain as the sharp claws dug into his skin and immediately fell into a fit of flailing in attempt to free himself from the offending beast.

"Get off of me you fat cat!"

"I am NOT fat!"

"Nyanko-sensei, you're hurting me! Get off!"

"Oh boo hoo..." Madara taunted before leaping nimbly from the boy's chest to land on his pillow. Takashi gasped and gingerly rubbed at his chest, glaring at the Lucky Neko who now was making himself quite at home on his pillow.

"You can't sleep there," the boy protested before poking at Madara's squishy round backside hestantly. The cat narrowed his oddly shaped eyes at him and growled a low, menacing snarl.

"Look boy, if you don't accomodate me I will not hesitate to eat you. Need I remind you I can inhale the likes of you in a single bite. Why, when I was younger I could snap up a whole class of schoolboys in one chomp, so don't test my patience -hiccup- you foolish human!"

Takashi rolled his eyes. Perhaps in his larger, much scarier form Madara's threat would have been initimdating but in the balloon-shaped, super cute Lucky Neko form his promises to eat him always fell upon deaf ears. He tried to shove the cat with the flat of his hand but found he couldn't budge him and, tired, conceded defeat.

"Fine, just try to be quiet. You snore like a pig..."

"What!"

Takashi grinned and curled up on his bedmat beside his pillow. He was exhausted from helping Tanuma study for his Calculus exam and he wanted nothing more than a long, uninterrupted sleep. He closed his eyes and tried to block out the nagging sensation of spirits lurking beyond the walls. He could hear them moaning and whispering in the darkness, but had learned over the past few months how to block out the sounds of their pleas with pleasanter thoughts.

And sleep came. Swift as a sparrow it settled over his mind, blacking out the world around him.

He was so under the influence of sleep that he hadn't heard Madara mumbling drunkly about his rudeness.

He also failed to feel a blast of wind as Madara transformed into the pretty human woman form that mirrored his granmother's youthful image.

And he didn't even realize that the form had crawled under the covers with him and snuggled against him.

The next morning Takashi woke with a start at the sensation of a breath against the back of his neck. He stifled a scream and jumped up from his bedroll to see a woman sprawled out under his covers. He rubbed his eyes for a few long moments before realizing the form was that of Madara in his human disguise.

"Nyank... um.. Madara-sama! What are you doing?!" He exclaimed while trying to steady his dizzy head. He hadn't fully woken.

The woman in his bed stirred, rolled onto her back and grinned wickedly up at the boy.

"Got your hopes up for a moment there, didn't I?" Madara taunted with a grin, licking his shapely lower lip suggestively.

"Stop it! Get out of my bed! What do you think you're doing? What if Fujiwara-san sees you?" He looked over his shoulder at his door, hoping the friendly old woman wouldn't come to check on him. She always had a way of showing up at the worst of moments.

"Eh, she won't see anything. I heard her outside in the garden."

"But..."

Before Takashi could say any more Madara's lithe femanine form had hopped up from the floor and approached him. He yelped as the woman grabbed him around his neck and purred against his cheek.

"You don't want to wish me a good morning?" Madara whispered, his/her hot breath against Takashi's flesh. The boy tried to balk away but was stopped by Madara's suprisingly stop grip.

"So rude..." Madara purred before planting his newly formed human woman lips on Takashi's gaping and very shocked mouth.

The boy froze and stared in horror at the visage of his grandmother in such close proximity. Then he found his voice in that hidden space between his lungs and put forth the most disgusted and horrified scream poor Fujiwara-san out in the garden had ever heard.

"GET OFF!" Takashi wailed, shoving the woman back away from himself. He backpedaled to the wall and grasped a cabinet door, panting and staring in horror at Madara, dressed as his grandmother in the peak of her youth and beauty- and blushed furiously. "What did you do that for?"

Madara-woman smiled widely and a second later shrunk down to his Lucky Neko form. "You made me mad! I had to get you back..." his kitty voice replied, painted eyes narrowing angrily upon Takashi.

"Don't you ever do that again... it was like kissing my grandmother! Ugh..." Takashi felt like he was going to be sick and reflexively grabbed his stomach and doubled over. The action brought forth a gleeful cackle from Madara, who bounced and spun happily.

"Hahaha stupid Natsume! That will teach you the next time you want to toy with a great spirit such as I?"

Takashi stiffened and looked up at the cat with a hateful scowl. Madara paused and looked up at the boy with a face-splitting kitty grin.

And then he was promptly punted out the second story window.

"WAAAAHHHHH! NATSUUUMEEEE!"

SPLASH!

"Why, Nyanko-sama..." Fujiwara-san said kindly as she fished the cat out of the koi pond. "What a naughty cat, trying to catch our pretty little fish."

"Mee-oowwwww...." said Madara.


End file.
